Ms. Lazy Genius .'s Key Ideas from Love and Will
by Rollo May

May asserts that the modern crisis of human existence arises from a disintegration of our understanding and practice of both love and will. As society becomes more dominated by technology, superficial pleasure, and depersonalized relationships, individuals increasingly struggle with emptiness, apathy, and existential anxiety.

May distinguishes between various types of love, grounded in classical and existential thought:

1. Libido – sexual desire; biological and instinctual in nature
2. Eros – the drive toward union with the other; romantic and creative longing
3. Philia – deep friendship; nonsexual affection
4. Agape – selfless, spiritual love; altruism and compassion

He critiques modern society for reducing love to libido, often confusing genuine intimacy with mere erotic consumption. This distortion, according to May, contributes to emotional disconnection and spiritual emptiness.

May proposes that true love involves care, respect, and active will—a decision to engage with the other fully, rather than passively submitting to fleeting passions.

Will is described not simply as determination or stubbornness, but as the capacity to make intentional, responsible choices in the face of existential ambiguity.

Willing is the capacity to act upon desire and sustain commitment.

Wishing is more passive—desire without action.

May draws from Nietzsche and Kierkegaard, arguing that the modern person has lost the strength to will because of overwhelming freedom, societal pressures, and fear of authenticity. This leads to decisional paralysis and inauthentic living.

Will, when disconnected from love, becomes coercive or rigid. Love, when disconnected from will, becomes sentimental or obsessive. Only through their integration can one achieve existential wholeness.

At the heart of human existence lies the void—a confrontation with the groundlessness of being. May, building on existentialists like Heidegger and Sartre, explains that love and will are responses to this existential anxiety.

Love affirms connection and meaning in the face of isolation.

Will affirms self-agency in the face of chaos.

However, without grounding in courage and intentionality, both love and will can become corrupted:

Love becomes possessive or avoidant.

Will becomes dominating or repressed.

May laments the disappearance of myth in modern life—symbolic narratives that once provided individuals with existential orientation. Without myths, individuals struggle to understand their place in the world or to channel love and will constructively.

He revisits the Prometheus myth to illustrate the existential hero: one who defies authority in pursuit of human growth, despite suffering. Love and will, in this context, become heroic acts of defiance against meaninglessness.

May diagnoses a growing sense of apathy, conformism, and isolation in the modern world, linked to:

Technological depersonalization

Loss of deep emotional bonds

Overemphasis on freedom without responsibility

He argues that without a strong foundation of intentional will and authentic love, modern individuals fall into narcissism, detachment, and existential dread.

In conclusion, Rollo May suggests that the integration of love and will is essential for:

1. Personal development – discovering meaning and purpose
2. Psychological health – avoiding neurosis and fragmentation
3. Authentic relationships – engaging others as full persons, not objects

This integration requires courage, a central existential virtue, to face uncertainty and embrace one's freedom responsibly.

May’s ideas are influenced by:

1. Existential philosophy – Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, Heidegger, Sartre
2. Depth psychology – Freud, Jung, Otto Rank
3. Humanistic psychology – Carl Rogers, Abraham Maslow
4. Phenomenology – subjective experience as central to understanding being

He merges these perspectives into a unique synthesis that places the human experience of meaning and moral responsibility at the center of psychological inquiry.

Love and Will is a profound and challenging text that examines the human condition through the existential lens. Rollo May confronts the reader with difficult truths about love, freedom, alienation, and the responsibilities of being. He ultimately offers hope: that by reclaiming both love and will as conscious, courageous acts, we can overcome the fragmentation of modern life and live with greater integrity and depth.