We notice things in and around ourselves we haven’t noticed before.The thoughts, the feelings, the physical sensations.Thoughts are not a problem, but automatically identifying with every passing thought is a huge problem.

The only thing fuelling your thoughts is your attention.If you want to access more of your vitality, get used to paying attention to your breathing.We just have to understand that these are thoughts – not truths.

Most of the psychological suffering we humans experience is voluntary and self-inflicted.We believe in thoughts that want to harm us.It’s there, in our minds, that our suffering is created; that’s where it lives and thrives.You shouldn’t believe your every thought.

Self-inflicted psychological suffering:

‘Knowledge is proud of all it knows. Wisdom is humble before all it doesn’t know.’There’s value in not getting stuck in a state of certainty.If we always cling to what we think we already know, how will we ever discover anything new?How can we learn?

Kitschy wisdom:

‘The next time you sense a conflict brewing, when you feel things are about to come to a head with someone, just repeat this mantra to yourself three times, sincerely and convincingly – in any language you want – and your worries will evaporate, like dew from the grass on a summer morning.’‘I may be wrong. I may be wrong. I may be wrong.’

The magic mantra:

Thoughts with the word ‘should’ in them make me small, dull and lonely.Clench your fist hard, then relax it into an open hand.It’s simple, but it’s a good illustration of how we can let go of things we cling to too hard: things, feelings, convictions.

Closed fist, open palm:

<ol><li class="ql-align-justify">Loving-kindness.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Compassion</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Muditā – humanity’s inherent capacity to feel joy at our own and others’ success.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Upekkha - ‘You always have to start with yourself.’ Your compassion for others will always fall short and remain fragile, so long as you’re unable to extend it to yourself first.</li></ol>

Buddha singled out four emotions he considered divine.

There’s value in not deceiving others for our own gain, in not hurting others because it serves our purposes at the time, in avoiding bending or twisting the truth because it’s more convenient.Something beautiful starts to happen when we actively choose to take responsibility for what we say and do.

Be the thing you want to see more of in the world:

What happens when we genuinely, with our entire being, understand that we don’t have each other forever?We no longer have time for half-measures.One day, we’re going to have to say goodbye – to every single person who means something to us.There’s only one way to approach other people and life itself: gently.

9 Powerful Lessons from the book "I may be wrong" by Björn Natthiko Lindeblad

'This book really, really will stay with me forever. It's not only laced with the most incredible wisdom, but it's also gentle and beautiful and eloquent. It brought me so much joy and so much comfort' FEARNE COTTON 'Life-changing. This book is sensational. If you're struggling, feeling a little lost, anxious or in need of a mental lift, please read it' ELLA MILLS, FOUNDER OF DELICIOUSLY ELLA The Sunday Times bestselling book of comfort and timeless wisdom from former forest monk, Björn Natthiko Lindeblad We like to think we can determine the path our life takes, but events rarely unfold the way we plan for or expect. In this international bestseller, former forest monk Björn Natthiko Lindeblad draws on his humbling journey towards navigating uncertainty – helping you, with kindness and good humour, to: - Let go of the small stuff - Accept the things you cannot control - Manage difficult emotions - Find stillness at busy times - Face yourself – and others – without judgment Infusing the everyday with heart and grace, this is a wise and soothing handbook for dealing with life's challenges.

philosophy

Philosophy

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

mindfulness

Mindfulness

books

Books

meditation

Meditation

Björn Natthiko Lindeblad

I May Be Wrong

People would do almost anything to not feel pain, including causing pain and abusing power.Power is not bad, but the abuse of power or using power over others is the opposite of courage; it’s a desperate attempt to maintain a very fragile ego.When people are hateful or cruel or just being assholes, they’re showing us exactly what they’re afraid of.

Without understanding how our feelings, thoughts, and behaviors work together, it’s almost impossible to find our way back to ourselves and each other.When we don’t have the language to talk about what we’re experiencing, our ability to make sense of what’s happening and share it with others is severely limited.Naming an experience doesn’t give the experience more power, it gives us the power of understanding and meaning.

﻿Places We Go When Things Are Uncertain or Too MuchStress, Overwhelm, Anxiety, Worry, Avoidance, Excitement, Dread, Fear, Vulnerability Places We Go When We CompareComparison, Admiration, Reverence, Envy, Jealousy, Resentment, Schadenfreude, Freudenfreude

Here are 87 emotions and experiences that have been organized into groups:

Places We Go When Things Don’t Go as PlannedBoredom, Disappointment, Expectations, Regret, Discouragement, Resignation, Frustration Places We Go When It’s Beyond UsAwe, Wonder, Confusion, Curiosity, Interest, Surprise Places We Go When Things Aren’t What They SeemAmusement, Bittersweetness, Nostalgia, Cognitive Dissonance, Paradox, Irony, Sarcasm

Places We Go When We’re HurtingAnguish, Hopelessness, Despair, Sadness, Grief Places We Go with OthersCompassion, Pity, Empathy, Sympathy, Boundaries, Comparative Suffering Places We Go When We Fall ShortShame, Self-Compassion, Perfectionism, Guilt, Humiliation, Embarrassment

Places We Go When We Search for ConnectionBelonging, Fitting In, Connection, Disconnection, Insecurity, Invisibility, Loneliness Places We Go When the Heart Is OpenLove, Lovelessness, Heartbreak, Trust, Self-Trust, Betrayal, Defensiveness, Flooding, Hurt

Places We Go When Life Is GoodJoy, Happiness, Calm, Contentment, Gratitude, Foreboding Joy, Relief, Tranquility Places We Go When We Feel WrongedAnger, Contempt, Disgust, Dehumanization, Hate, Self-Righteousness Places We Go to Self-AssessPride, Hubris, Humility

Don’t look away. Don’t look down.Don’t pretend not to see hurt.Look people in the eye.Even when their pain is overwhelming. And when you’re hurting and in pain, find the people who can look you in the eye. Our connection with others can only be as deep as our connection with ourselves.

This book will help you navigate through Human emotions and experiences.

#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • In her latest book, Brené Brown writes, “If we want to find the way back to ourselves and one another, we need language and the grounded confidence to both tell our stories and be stewards of the stories that we hear. This is the framework for meaningful connection.” Don’t miss the five-part HBO Max docuseries Brené Brown: Atlas of the Heart! In Atlas of the Heart, Brown takes us on a journey through eighty-seven of the emotions and experiences that define what it means to be human. As she maps the necessary skills and an actionable framework for meaningful connection, she gives us the language and tools to access a universe of new choices and second chances—a universe where we can share and steward the stories of our bravest and most heartbreaking moments with one another in a way that builds connection.   Over the past two decades, Brown’s extensive research into the experiences that make us who we are has shaped the cultural conversation and helped define what it means to be courageous with our lives. Atlas of the Heart draws on this research, as well as on Brown’s singular skills as a storyteller, to show us how accurately naming an experience doesn’t give the experience more power—it gives us the power of understanding, meaning, and choice.   Brown shares, “I want this book to be an atlas for all of us, because I believe that, with an adventurous heart and the right maps, we can travel anywhere and never fear losing ourselves.”

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

mentalhealth

Mental Health

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation – Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work. Brené is also a visiting professor in management at The University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business. She has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy and is the author of five #1 New York Times bestsellers: The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, Braving the Wilderness, and her latest book, Dare to Lead.Brené hosts the Unlocking Us Podcast and the Dare to Lead Podcast. Her TED talk – The Power of Vulnerability – is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world with over 50 million views.

Brené Brown

Atlas of the Heart

Everyone’s health generally declines with time, and sooner or later we all die.Maximize your fulfillment from experiences by planning how you will spend your time and money to achieve the biggest peaks you can with the resources you have.To get the most out of your time and money, timing matters, do it at the right age.

Maximize your positive life experiences

When you’re young, healthy, and unjaded, you can get a huge amount of enjoyment even from experiences that don’t cost a lot.Buying an experience doesn’t just buy you the experience itself — it also buys you the sum of all the dividends that experience will bring for the rest of your life. (Memory Dividend)

Start investing in experiences early

If you spend hours and hours of your life acquiring money and then die without spending all of that money, then you’ve needlessly wasted too many precious hours of your life.If you die with $1 million left, that’s $1 million of experiences you didn’t have.

Aim to die with zero

People avoid the subject of death, they behave as if it’s never coming, and too many don’t plan for it.Death and deterioration are real for everyone, so the date of your death in the future should affect what your behavior is now.If you’re nervous about someday running out of money before you die, then spend some time looking at annuities as a possible solution.

Use all available tools to help you die with zero

That way, you’ve already separated out their money from your money, which is what you must spend down to zero.Whatever you give your heirs past their optimal age of receiving has less value to them.(26-to-35 age range)Spend your money while you’re alive—whether it’s on yourself, your loved ones, or charity.

Give money to your children or to charity when it has the most impact

Strike the right balance between spending on the present (and only on what you value) and saving smartly for the future.People who spend money on time-saving purchases experience greater life satisfaction, regardless of their income.If you pay to get out of doing tasks you don’t enjoy, you are simultaneously reducing the number of negative life experiences and increasing the number of positive life experiences.

Don’t live your life on autopilot

We all die a multitude of deaths throughout our lives.Draw a timeline of your life from now to the grave, then divide it into intervals of five or ten years.Each of those intervals — from age 30 to 40, or from 70 to 75 — is a time bucket, which is just a random grouping of years.Then think about what key experiences — activities or events — you definitely want to have during your lifetime.

Think of your life as distinct seasons

For most people, the optimal net worth peak occurs at some point between the ages of 45 and 60.Once you’ve finally determined your net worth peak, you must start spending down, or decumulating.This means you will be spending more in your real golden years, when you are in reasonably good shape in both health and wealth—between 45 and 60—than people usually do.

Know when to stop growing your wealth

When you’re young, every risk you take can pay off in a big way if you succeed: Your upside is huge.Bet when you have nothing (or little) to loseWhen you’re older, some risks become more foolish than bold.

Take your biggest risks when you have little to lose.

9 amazing lessons from "Die with Zero" by Bill Perkins

A Common-Sense Guide to Living Rich....Instead of Dying Rich Imagine if by the time you died, you did everything you were told to. You worked hard, saved your money, and looked forward to financial freedom when you retired. The only thing you wasted along the way was...your life. Die with Zero presents a startling new and provocative philosophy as well as practical guide on how to get the most out of your money--and out of your life. It's intended for those who place lifelong memorable experiences far ahead of simply making and accumulating money for one's so-called Golden Years. In short, Bill Perkins wants to rescue you from over-saving and under-living. Regardless of your age,Die with Zero will teach you Perkins' plan for optimizing your life, stage by stage, so you're fully engaged and enjoying what you've worked and saved for. You'll discover how to maximize your lifetime memorable moments with "experience bucketing," how to convert your earnings into priceless memories by following your "net worth curve," and find out how to navigate whether to invest in, or delay, a meaningful adventure based on your "spend curve" and "personal interest rate." Using his own life experiences as well as the inspiring stories and cautionary tales of others--and drawing on eye-opening insights about time, money, and happiness from psychological science and behavioral finance --Perkins makes a timely, convincing, and contrarian case for living large.

moneyandinvestments

Money & Investments

timemanagement

Time Management

Bill Perkins

Die with Zero

Gen Z became the first generation in history to go through puberty with a portal in their pockets.They spent far less time playing with, talking to, touching, or even making eye contact with their friends and families, thereby reducing their participation in embodied social behaviors that are essential for successful human development.

1. Overprotecting children in the real world (where they need to learn from vast amounts of direct experience)2. Underprotecting them online (where they are particularly vulnerable during puberty)

The two big mistakes we’ve made:

Healthy brain development depends on getting the right experiences at the right age and in the right order.Humans have several “sensitive periods,” which are defined as periods in which it is very easy to learn something or acquire a skill, and outside of which it is more difficult.

Sensitive periods:

Discover mode turns on when you detect opportunities. Defend mode turns on when threats are detected.People who go through life in discover mode are happier, more sociable, and more eager for new experiences. (except when directly threatened)Conversely, those who are chronically in defend mode are more defensive and anxious, and will learn less and grow less.

Discover mode vs Defend mode:

The attachment system evolved to help young mammals learn the skills they’ll need to reach adulthood while retreating to their “secure base” when they feel threatened.Every child needs at least one adult who serves as a “secure base.”A securely attached child usually settles within a few seconds or minutes, shifts back to discover mode, and heads out for more learning.

The attachment system:

1. Safetyism:The worship of “safety” is called safetyism.It prevents children from getting the quantity and variety of real-world experiences and challenges that they need.2. SmartphonesOnce they enter a child’s life, they push out or reduce all other forms of non-phone-based experience.

Experience blockers:

<ol><li class="ql-align-justify">Social deprivation</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Sleep deprivation</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Attention fragmentation</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Addiction</li></ol>When we put these four foundational harms together, they explain why mental health got so much worse so suddenly as soon as childhood became phone-based.

The 4 foundational harms:

Each of us, acting alone, perceives that it’s too difficult or costly to do the right thing. But if we can act together, the costs go way down.Collective action problems require collective responses from governments, companies, schools and parents.

Collective action:

<ol><li class="ql-align-justify">Assert a duty of care: To have some moral and legal responsibility for how to treat minors.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Raise the age of internet adulthood to 16</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Develop better age verification features</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Encourage phone-free schools (with phone lockers or lockable pouches in schools)</li></ol>

What Govt and tech companies can do:

<ol><li class="ql-align-justify">Stop punishing parents for giving children real-world freedom</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Design and zone public space with children in mind</li><li class="ql-align-justify">More vocational education, apprenticeships, and youth development programs</li></ol>

What Govt can do to incentivize more real-world experience:

9 Powerful Lessons from "The Anxious Generation" by Jonathan Haidt

THE INSTANT #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A must-read for all parents: the generation-defining investigation into the collapse of youth mental health in the era of smartphones, social media, and big tech—and a plan for a healthier, freer childhood. “Erudite, engaging, combative, crusading.” —New York Times Book Review (Editors’ Choice) “Words that chill the parental heart… thanks to Mr. Haidt, we can glimpse the true horror of what happened not only in the U.S. but also elsewhere in the English-speaking world… lucid, memorable… galvanizing.” —Wall Street Journal “[An] important new book... The shift in kids’ energy and attention from the physical world to the virtual one, Haidt shows, has been catastrophic, especially for girls.” —Michelle Goldberg, The New York Times After more than a decade of stability or improvement, the mental health of adolescents plunged in the early 2010s. Rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicide rose sharply, more than doubling on many measures. Why? In The Anxious Generation, social psychologist Jonathan Haidt lays out the facts about the epidemic of teen mental illness that hit many countries at the same time. He then investigates the nature of childhood, including why children need play and independent exploration to mature into competent, thriving adults. Haidt shows how the “play-based childhood” began to decline in the 1980s, and how it was finally wiped out by the arrival of the “phone-based childhood” in the early 2010s. He presents more than a dozen mechanisms by which this “great rewiring of childhood” has interfered with children’s social and neurological development, covering everything from sleep deprivation to attention fragmentation, addiction, loneliness, social contagion, social comparison, and perfectionism. He explains why social media damages girls more than boys and why boys have been withdrawing from the real world into the virtual world, with disastrous consequences for themselves, their families, and their societies. Most important, Haidt issues a clear call to action. He diagnoses the “collective action problems” that trap us, and then proposes four simple rules that might set us free. He describes steps that parents, teachers, schools, tech companies, and governments can take to end the epidemic of mental illness and restore a more humane childhood. Haidt has spent his career speaking truth backed by data in the most difficult landscapes—communities polarized by politics and religion, campuses battling culture wars, and now the public health emergency faced by Gen Z. We cannot afford to ignore his findings about protecting our children—and ourselves—from the psychological damage of a phone-based life.

Jonathan Haidt

The Anxious Generation

All the approaches to goal setting are based on linear goals: they were created for controlled environments with predictable timelines.When the future is uncertain, we overthink every possibility and we conjure worst-case scenarios, and we tend to fall back on one of three defense mechanisms, where we abandon our curiosity, our ambition, or both:1. Cynicism2. Escapism3. Perfectionism

Linear Goals

It is a simple and repeatable activity that will inevitably bring you closer to achieving your authentic ambitions, regardless of the actual result of each trial.It follows a simple format: I will [action] for [duration].You need enough trials to obtain results you can trust.The repeated trials of your pact provide you with more reliable information to make decisions.

Pact

There are three viable alternative routes after completing a pact: Persist, Pause, Pivot.PERSIST: Showing up consistently over a long period of time.PAUSE: To admit that a course of action is no longer serving you and to bow out gracefully.PIVOT: When you decide that a course correction is needed, your next step is to understand how much change is necessary.

The ancient Greeks had not one but two words to speak of time:1. Chronos refers to quantity, the time of clocks and calendars, of productivity tools and linear goals.2. Kairos expresses the quality, recognizes that each moment is unique, when we are immersed in activities that capture our full attention, when we spend time with loved ones, or when we are engaged in self-reflection.

It means being deliberate about where you invest your efforts, recognizing that you cannot be at the very top all the time and across all areas of life.To put the principles into practice, you just need to adjust those three ambition dials:1. Identify perfectionist patterns.2. Challenge your unrealistic targets.3. Choose progress over perfection.

Intentional imperfection

Making progress requires two essential components: trial and error.1. The trial part of the loop involves taking action with limited information.2. The error part involves observing the results and making adjustments based on that data.When we use trial and error, we set in motion a series of growth loops where progress emerges in conversation with our environment.

Growth Loops

Any disruption that derails these plans feels like more than just a change in direction: it’s a direct attack on who we are and our place in the world.THE TWO-STEP RESETSTEP ONE:- Pause and lean into these emotions.- Put feelings into words.STEP TWO:- Pinpoint the direct impact of the disruption by zeroing in on the most noticeable effects.- Then map out potential consequences.

Disruptions

A community will give you access to a collective set of knowledge, skills, and physical assets that vastly exceed your own.Your network’s diverse expertise and talents will complement your own abilities to expand your potential.Communities can provide critical help when you are navigating new or difficult situations.They offer emotional support, advice, and a sense of belonging.

Social Flow

By embracing the unknown and staying open to serendipity, you create space for unexpected opportunities to emerge — opportunities to learn, grow, and create value in ways you may not have initially imagined.

Unpredictability

9 Powerful Lessons from "Tiny Experiments" by Anne-Laure

A transformative guide to rethinking our approach to goals, creativity, and life itself from a neuroscientist and entrepreneur, and the creator of the popular Ness Labs newsletter "I loved this profound, practical, and generous book."—Oliver Burkeman "A thought-provoking guide to doing more trials and making fewer errors."—Adam Grant "One of the best productivity books that I've read."—Ryder Carroll "This book will change the way you design your goals and live your life."—Nir Eyal Life isn’t linear, and yet we constantly try to mold it around linear goals: four-year college degrees, ten-year career plans, thirty-year mortgages. What if instead we approached life as a giant playground for experimentation? Based on ancestral philosophy and the latest scientific research, Tiny Experiments provides a desperately needed reframing: Uncertainty can be a state of expanded possibility and a space for metamorphosis. Neuroscientist and entrepreneur Anne-Laure Le Cunff reveals that all you need is an experimental mindset to turn challenges into self-discovery and doubt into opportunity. Readers will replace the old linear model of success with a circular model of growth in which goals are discovered, pursued, and adapted—not in a vacuum, but in conversation with the larger world. Throughout the book, you will ask hard questions and design simple yet meaningful experiments to find the answers. You will learn how to break free from the invisible cognitive scripts that shape your life, how to harness the power of imperfection, and how to make smarter decisions when the path forward is unclear. This is a guide to: • Discover your true ambitions through conducting tiny personal experiments • Dismantle harmful beliefs about success that have kept you stuck • Dare to make decisions true to your own aspirations • Stop trying to find your purpose and start living instead Tiny Experiments offers not just practical tools to make sure our most vital work gets done, but a guide to reawakening our curiosity and drive in a noisy, busy, disaffected world, so that we can discover and pursue our most authentic ambitions while making a meaningful contribution.

productivity

Productivity

Anne-Laure Le Cunff

Tiny Experiments

Some people consistently fail to synchronize with others, even when they’re speaking to close friends.Others, called "supercommunicators" — seem to synchronize effortlessly with just about anyone.

Supercommunicators:

When we absorb what someone is saying, and they comprehend what we say, it’s because our brains have, to some degree, aligned.At that moment, our bodies — our pulses, facial expressions, the emotions we experience, the prickling sensation on our necks and arms — often start to synchronize as well.

The Matching Principle

These three conversations — which correspond to practical decision-making conversations, emotional conversations, and conversations about identity — are best captured by three questions:1. What’s This Really About?2. How Do We Feel?3. Who Are We?

Three kinds of conversation that dominate most discussions

Unless we know what kind of discussion we’re hoping for — and what type of discussion our companions want — we’re at a disadvantage.In a learning conversation, our goal is to understand what’s going on inside others’ heads, and to share what’s happening within our own.

What’s This Really About? has two goals:The first is to determine what topics we want to discuss — what everyone needs from this dialogue.The second is to figure out how this discussion will unfold — what unspoken rules and norms we have agreed upon, and how we will make decisions together.

1. THE "WHAT’S THIS REALLY ABOUT?" CONVERSATION

Within every conversation there is a quiet negotiation, where the prize is not winning, but rather determining what everyone wants, so that something meaningful can occur.The best negotiators don’t battle over who should get the biggest slice of pie.Rather, they focus on making the pie itself larger, finding win-win solutions where everyone walks away happier than before.Negotiation isn’t a battle. It’s an act of creativity.

Quiet Negotiation

A What’s This Really About? conversation often occurs at the start of a discussion, and so we’re well served to do a bit of prep work before a dialogue begins.Simply preparing a list, researchers found, made conversations go better.

Preparing for a conversation

When we discuss our feelings, something magical happens: Other people can’t help but listen to us.When we talk about our feelings, we’re describing not just what has happened to us, but why we made certain choices and how we make sense of the world.Every discussion is shaped by our emotions, and when we bring those feelings to the surface — when we share them and ask others to share with us — we begin to see how we might align.

2. THE "HOW DO WE FEEL?" CONVERSATION

If we acknowledge someone else’s vulnerability, and become vulnerable in return, we build trust, understanding, and connection.Asking deep questions about feelings, values, beliefs, and experiences creates vulnerability.That vulnerability triggers "emotional contagion."And that, in turn, helps us connect.

Emotional Contagion

If you want to have a successful conversation with someone, ask someone how they feel about something, and then follow up with questions that reveal how you feel.Asking deep questions is easier than most people realize, and more rewarding than we expect.

Asking Deep Questions

People with emotional intelligence knew how to build relationships and empathize with colleagues, as well as regulate their own emotionality and the emotions of those around them.

Noticing mood and energy allows us to immediately determine whether we should flee or stay, if they’re a potential friend or foe.Mood and energy are nonlinguistic tools for creating emotional connection.When we match someone’s mood and energy, we are showing them that we want to align.

Mood and Energy

This is the real reason why so many conflicts persist:Not because of a lack of solutions or because people are unwilling to compromise, but because combatants don’t understand why they are fighting in the first place.They haven’t discussed the deeper topics — the emotional issues — that are inflaming the dispute.

Conflicts

Happy couples, rather than trying to control the other person, tended to focus on controlling themselves, their environment, and the conflict itself.If we focus on controlling ourselves, our environment, and the conflict itself, then a fight often morphs into a conversation, where the goal is understanding, rather than winning points or wounding our foes.“There are lots of conflicts that don’t have solutions, but when everyone feels in control, the conflict sometimes just fades away.”

Happy Couples during Conflicts

In a meaningful conversation, we bring not just ourselves to the discussion, but everything that brought us to this moment: Our histories and backgrounds, our families and friendships, the causes we believe in and the groups we love or deplore.We bring, in other words, our social identities.

3. THE "WHO ARE WE?" CONVERSATION

Social identities can change how we act, even if we don’t intend them to, even if we wish they didn’t.It’s crucial to remind ourselves that we all possess multiple identities:<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">We are parents but also siblings;</li><li class="ql-align-justify">experts in some topics and novices in others;</li><li class="ql-align-justify">friends and coworkers and</li><li class="ql-align-justify">people who love dogs but hate to jog.</li></ul>

Our identities can help us find values we share or can push us into stereotypes.There was one behavior, in particular, that consistently made people uncomfortable and upset:If a speaker said something that lumped a listener into a group against her or his will, the discussion would likely go south.In psychology, this is known as "identity threat", and it is deeply corrosive to communication.

Identity Threat

Tough conversations frequently begin on uncertain footing.We can lessen those anxieties by addressing a few things right away.1. Establish guidelines.2. Draw out everyone’s goals.3. Acknowledge, and keep acknowledging, that discomfort is natural — and useful. Manage your Environment.

Making Hard Conversations Easier

To learn more, buy your book here: <a href="https://t.co/Hrk8u1fpPc">https://charlesduhigg.com/supercommunicators/…</a>Follow me for more book lessons.Explore my Link tree: <a href="https://t.co/01nihr1mW2">http://linktr.ee/realmofwisdom</a>

Thanks for reading

All Valuable Lessons from the book "Supercommunicators" by Charles Duhigg

NEW YORK TIMES BESTESLLER • From the author of The Power of Habit, a fascinating exploration of what makes conversations work—and how we can all learn to be supercommunicators at work and in life “A winning combination of stories, studies, and guidance that might well transform the worst communicators you know into some of the best.”—Adam Grant, author of Think Again and Hidden Potential Come inside a jury room as one juror leads a starkly divided room to consensus. Join a young CIA officer as he recruits a reluctant foreign agent. And sit with an accomplished surgeon as he tries, and fails, to convince yet another cancer patient to opt for the less risky course of treatment. In Supercommunicators, Charles Duhigg blends deep research and his trademark storytelling skills to show how we can all learn to identify and leverage the hidden layers that lurk beneath every conversation. Communication is a superpower and the best communicators understand that whenever we speak, we’re actually participating in one of three conversations: practical (What’s this really about?), emotional (How do we feel?), and social (Who are we?). If you don’t know what kind of conversation you’re having, you’re unlikely to connect.  Supercommunicators know the importance of recognizing—and then matching—each kind of conversation, and how to hear the complex emotions, subtle negotiations, and deeply held beliefs that color so much of what we say and how we listen. Our experiences, our values, our emotional lives—and how we see ourselves, and others—shape every discussion, from who will pick up the kids to how we want to be treated at work. In this book, you will learn why some people are able to make themselves heard, and to hear others, so clearly. With his storytelling that takes us from the writers’ room of The Big Bang Theory to the couches of leading marriage counselors, Duhigg shows readers how to recognize these three conversations—and teaches us the tips and skills we need to navigate them more successfully. In the end, he delivers a simple but powerful lesson: With the right tools, we can connect with anyone.

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

Charles Duhigg is an American journalist and non-fiction author. He was a reporter for The New York Times, currently writes for The New Yorker Magazine and is the author of two books on habits and productivity, titled The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business and Smarter Faster Better.

Charles Duhigg

Supercommunicators

Accepting your limitations, stepping more fully into them, is precisely how you build a saner, freer, more accomplished, socially connected and enchantment-filled life.

For finite humans, the time for that has to be now.The future destroys the present.

You’re pretty much free to do whatever you like. You need only face the consequences.To make a decision – any decision – is to take ownership of the situation instead.

The only two questions, at any moment of choice in life, is what the price is, and whether or not it’s worth paying.

Completion of any task replenishes energy, rather than using it up.

The main difference between those who accomplish great things anyway and those who don’t is that the former don’t mind not knowing.

The truth is that no work you bring into concrete existence could ever meet the perfect standards in your mind.

Beyond the mountains, there are always more mountains, at least until you reach the final mountain before your time on earth comes to an end.In the meantime, few things are more exhilarating than mountaineering.

Often the real challenge, in building an accomplished and absorbing life, is learning to let go.

In an age of attention scarcity, the greatest act of good citizenship may be learning to withdraw your attention from everything except the battles you’ve chosen to fight.

When you start to view each day not as a matter of paying off a debt, but as an opportunity to move a small-but-meaningful number of items over your done list, you’ll find yourself making better choices about what to focus on.

It’s often more helpful to ask: What if this task might be a lot easier than I’d been assuming?

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12 Powerful Lessons from “Meditations for Mortals”

A map for a liberating journey toward a more meaningful life—a journey that begins where we actually find ourselves, not with a fantasy of where we’d like to be—from the New York Times bestselling author of Four Thousand Weeks Addressing the fundamental questions about how to live, Meditations for Mortals offers a powerful new way to take action on what counts: a guiding philosophy of life Oliver Burkeman calls “imperfectionism.” It helps us tackle challenges as they crop up in our daily lives: our finite time, the lure of distraction, the impossibility of doing anything perfectly. How can we embrace our nonnegotiable limitations? Or make good decisions when there’s always too much to do? How do we shed the illusion that life will really begin as soon as we can “get on top of everything”? Reflecting on quotations drawn from philosophy, religion, literature, psychology, and self-help, Burkeman explores a combination of practical tools and daily shifts in perspective. The result is a life-enhancing and surprising challenge to much familiar advice—and a profound yet entertaining crash course in living more fully. To be read either as a four-week “retreat of the mind” or devoured in one or two sittings, Meditations for Mortals will be a source of solace and inspiration, and an aid to a saner, freer, and more enchantment-filled life. In anxiety-inducing times, it is rich in truths we have never needed more.

habits

Habits

Oliver Burkeman

Meditations for Mortals

We learn strict rules as children, and we follow them as adults.Society imposes many things on us.Social norms also control the content and form of our dreams.

We all have individual dreams, but there is also a collective dream (the dream of the planet)Rules that define this collective dream are taught to us by parents, schools, religions, and other influential forces.This education teaches us what proper behavior is, what we should believe, and the difference between good and bad.

As children, adults were more powerful than us. They could stop us from going against them and punish us if we disobeyed.Most of us surrendered and accepted these rules.At a certain point, these beliefs are deeply embedded within us, and we domesticate ourselves.We create a perfect self-image and punish ourselves when we fail to act according to it.

There is a different way. We can break free from this structure by establishing new agreements for ourselves. --The Four Agreements--1. Be Impeccable with Your Word2. Don't Take Anything Personally3. Don't Make Assumptions4. Always Do Your Best

The Four Agreements

Never use your word against yourself or others.Your words are powerful and can either liberate or enslave you and others.Be careful with the words you use, as they shape your thoughts and reality.

1. Be Impeccable with Your Word

Don't take things personally, as they are not about you but about the other person.Know who you are, and you won't need to seek acceptance or information from others.People view the world from different perspectives.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally

Assumptions create problems and have no basis in reality.Replace assumptions with courageous questions to get clarity.

3. Don't Make Assumptions

Do your best, which will change depending on the situation.Don't go beyond your best or do less than your best.Do things for your own sake, not for external motivation.Doing your best will increase the power of the other agreements and help you free yourself.

4. Always Do Your Best

Break with your old agreements and create a new dream.Practice forgiveness to break free from the "parasite" controlling your mind.Live each day like it's your last to have a clearer vision of how you want to live.

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In The Four Agreements, bestselling author don Miguel Ruiz reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, The Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love. •  A New York Times bestseller for over a decade •  Translated into 50 languages worldwide   “This book by don Miguel Ruiz, simple yet so powerful, has made a tremendous difference in how I think and act in every encounter.” — Oprah Winfrey “Don Miguel Ruiz’s book is a roadmap to enlightenment and freedom.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success “An inspiring book with many great lessons.” — Wayne Dyer, Author, Real Magic “In the tradition of Castaneda, Ruiz distills essential Toltec wisdom, expressing with clarity and impeccability what it means for men and women to live as peaceful warriors in the modern world.” — Dan Millman, Author, Way of the Peaceful Warrior

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

Don Miguel Ruiz is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Don Miguel Ruiz has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Don Miguel Ruiz's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.