<ul><li>When we respond with self-criticism in moments of emotional pain, we’re making a deliberate effort to reduce our suffering. </li><li>But it’s not that simple. Self-criticism doesn’t increase your sense of control, but rather tricks your brain into feeling in control. Instead of protecting you from others’ judgment, self-criticism subjects you to your own. </li><li>While it may redirect anger, this means emotions are suppressed rather than expressed</li><li>There’s a smoother, less traveled road you can choose to take, and it’s the antidote to self-criticism. This is self-compassion.</li></ul>

Self-criticism doesn’t work

Self-compassion is being an ally to yourself rather than an enemy.It involves three closely connected components:<ol><li>Self-kindness is as it sounds: it’s the act of treating yourself kindly, rather than with harsh criticism.</li><li> Common humanity involves acknowledging that humans are flawed works-in-progress who are all connected to each other, if only through the fact that they all struggle in some way. </li><li>Mindfulness is the process of neither pushing away nor clinging to any thought or feeling – it’s the experience of simply observing everything as it is.</li></ol>

Self-compassion: the beneficial alternative

Despite the extensive research demonstrating the mental and physical benefits of self-compassion, it’s an often unknown, overlooked, or even avoided practice.<ul><li> Some people are unfamiliar with self-compassion because it was never, or only infrequently, modeled by their parents or caregivers.</li><li>Even for those familiar with self-compassion, misunderstandings of what it truly involves can be another barrier.</li></ul>

Self-compassion doesn’t always come easy

Recognizing that you’ve fallen into self-criticism is the crucial first step in saving yourself from it and practicing more self-compassion:<ul><li>Did I call myself names?</li><li>Was I looking for the worst-case scenario? </li><li>Did I use words like ‘should’ or ‘must’? </li><li>Was my body showing signs of stress? </li></ul>Self-criticism takes many forms and everyone experiences it differently, but if you find yourself answering ‘yes’ to some or all of the questions above, this may be a sign that you fell into self-criticism.

Learn to identify self-criticism

You can do this in retrospect or in the moment you catch your inner critic speaking to you.Imagine your inner critic as a being that lives inside your brain and talks to you. Rather than taking what it says (eg, ‘You’re so pathetic’) to be true or criticizing it for speaking up at all, approach your inner critic with curiosity — an ‘Oh, it’s you again’ attitude. Reflect, either internally or through journaling, on what your inner critic is trying to tell you.

Befriend your inner critic

If your inner critic said: ‘I’m so nosy. I shouldn’t have asked such personal questions,’ you would restate this as factually as possible. For example: ‘I asked one question about my boss’s marriage that, in this moment, I wish I hadn’t asked.’Stripping down the situation to its indisputable facts removes the judgmental haze that can pull you into an alternative reality based on your interpretations and assumptions about yourself and the world.

Reframe judgmental thoughts as factual ones

When you offer compassion to a younger version of yourself, you’re stepping out of the cognitive rigidity that typically fuels your self-criticism and feelings of shame. By externalizing and connecting with a version of yourself that isn’t technically present, you might find you can more easily access a compassionate approach.

Talk to a younger version of yourself

You’ll find that practicing self-compassion is more effective when directed towards supporting your needs, rather than being a vague promise to be kinder to yourself. To understand your needs, you must first have some sense of what you value most in life. It’s in the moments that you’re not living in line with your values – and subsequently not practicing self-compassion – that you tend to suffer the most.

Identify your values

Self-compassion techniques aren’t self-indulgent – they’ll tame your inner critic while helping you change for the better

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

How to be kinder to yourself

We all experience feelings that are difficult to handle. But between our emotion-phobic society and the debilitating uncertainty of modern times, we usually don’t know how to talk about them, much less handle them.Left unchecked, comparison can make you miserable. Seeing people be better at something than you are can feel like a vicious uprooting. But with the right tools, you can use your envy to uncover what you value.Here’s how to take your envy, decode it and turn it into positive action.

Comparisons Lead To Problems

Comparison can teach you what you value when you see yourself envying someone doing something you want, even if you haven’t consciously allowed yourself to want it.Self-awareness can help you turn your feelings into something useful, so the next time envy rears its head, ask yourself:• What do they have that makes me feel less than?• What void do I believe having it would fill?• Do I really want what they have?• If yes, how much, and is it worth taking action to try to get it for myself?

Listen to Your Strongest Triggers

Benign envy motivates us to work harder to improve, while malicious envy makes us nasty.We often feel malicious envy when we perceive scarcity. But in many cases, another person’s ability to achieve something is evidence that it’s possible for us, too.To shift your thinking from malicious to benign envy, try these phrases:• “I’m inspired by _____. Maybe I can learn from them, or ask them to be my mentor.”• “I haven’t done what they’ve done . . . yet.”• “Every person is on their own journey. I’m grateful for mine.”

Make Sure Your Envy Doesn’t Become Malicious

If you see a friend hitting a personal milestone, it’s easy to feel you’re far behind in life. But if you think of 10 or 20 of your acquaintances, chances are a bunch will be in the same boat as you – and might even be happily sailing along.The next time you desperately covet what someone else has, swap out the question “Why don’t I have that?” with “Do I have enough?”Chances are, you can survive without whatever it is you pine for, and not having it has no impact on your worth as a person.

Pick a Broader Baseline

Here’s a list of questions that can help you make better comparisons:• What would a day-in-the-life look like?• What specific pieces of that life do I want?• What specific pieces of that life do I not want?• What experience does this person have?• Is this comparison based on some imagined/ better version of myself or other people’s/ society’s expectation of me?• Am I willing to give up the good things in my current life to have that?

Compare the Nitty-Gritty

You may not always be exactly where you want to be, but chances are you’re not where you used to be, either. Pausing to take stock of your accomplishments – and the skills you’ve developed as a result – can help you feel proud of your progress and untangle yourself from malicious envy.A simple way to make this type of self-comparison a habit is to take a few minutes at the end of each month to reflect on these prompts:• What have I learned over the past few weeks?• What was difficult, and how would I approach it differently given what I know now?• What progress did I make?

Compare Present You Against Past You

Most of us are familiar with the icky feelings that arise when we see acquaintances sharing their triumphs and successes on social media. Authors Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy tell you how to take our discomfort -- and use it to better understand ourselves and what we want.

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Comparing yourself to others is a sure route to misery — 5 ways to turn it into action instead

Salary negotiation is an important part of the interview process. You risk losing if you don't ask for more. Even if you don't think you have leverage, you should still negotiate.

Negotiating a salary in the interview process

It can be nerve-racking to negotiate your salary if you’re a recent graduate or someone who wants to change careers. It's common practice for companies to lowball initial offers because they expect jobseekers to negotiate. Not negotiating your starting salary can set you back more than $500,000 by the time you reach 60.

Negotiating when you don't have much experience

<ul><li>Talk to members of professional associations of your target industry. Use Glassdoor and Google to find the market value of your position.</li><li>Take a deep dive into the specifics of the position to reveal a range of leveraging options.</li><li>Use the STAR method to highlight your experience - situation or task, action, and result. Describe the situation, the action you took and the result.</li><li>Show your knowledge of industry trends if you lack experience in the industry.</li><li>Identify possible biases ahead of time and find a way around them, including inexperience.</li><li>Do a practice run in low-stake situations.</li></ul>

Steps to put yourself in a strong position

<ul><li>You break the silence too soon. Employers use silence as a negotiating tool. Instead of backpedalling, use the silence in your favour.</li><li>You ask for a salary that reflects your lifestyle, not facts. Most employers work within salary guidelines set by the company for entry-level positions, not by your lifestyle expenses.</li><li>You accept a low salary without negotiating.  if you do that, you’ll likely be underpaid as long as you stay at that company. </li><li>You think of salary negotiation as a take-it-or-leave-it scenario. You could ask for a review and salary adjustment based on your performance.</li></ul>

Mistakes to avoid

Salary negotiation is a conversation, not a battle. Here are a few tricks to keep in mind.<ul><li>Never accept a verbal offer. Ask for an opportunity to review everything in writing.</li><li>Do your research on pay parity.</li><li>Figure out what you need to be successful–and ask for it. Get as much information as you can about the role you’re up for. If you can understand what you’ll be doing upfront, you’ll be able to negotiate different things.</li><li>Get creative with benefits. Many companies have flexed out their compensation packages to get the best employees.</li></ul>

Essentials in any salary negotiation

During the interview process, it’s important to not only negotiate your salary but your benefits. 


career

Career

marketingandsales

Marketing & Sales

moneyandinvestments

Money & Investments

How to negotiate your salary for any job

You are a salesperson, whether you like it or not. You're going to convince people to buy into your ideas, services, product, or career path. It is, therefore, useful to learn how to convince people.

Everyone sells

You want the counterpart to negotiate against themselves.<ul><li>Ask them to make the first offer or to initiate the conversation. Let them know that they are the expert; they've done it more. It is more beneficial to get them to open up and show their initial hand.</li><li>When they show their initial hand, you can do the flinch in some fashion, or just pause "hmm" and say, "that is a bit more than I would have expected," and then wait in silence.</li><li>They may backpedal, especially a novice or intermediate negotiator. Then ask, "Is that the best you can offer?" and then pause again.</li></ul>

Negotiating a deal

It includes:<ul><li>Different types of bracketing</li><li>How to make certain concessions</li><li>How to drill into what they want (the needs behind their request, such as being remembered in some way or keeping their branding)</li></ul>Resources that can help with more advanced techniques:<ul><li> Secrets of Power Negotiating, Roger Dawson</li><li>Getting Past NO, William Ury, which is a follow-up of</li><li>Getting to YES, Roger Fisher and Willian Ury</li></ul>

More sophisticated techniques in negotiating

You can structure your life to avoid negotiation. For example, you can set policies and systems in place from the start so that you don't have to expend many negotiating cycles. You may need high amounts of traffic with a high conversion rate to pull that off. It forces you to deliver a higher-quality product.

Avoiding negotiation

Tips, techniques, and resources for negotiation and dealmaking. SUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/1dSzTkW About Tim Ferriss: Tim Ferriss is one of Fast Company’s “Most Innovative Business People” and an early-stage tech investor/advisor in Uber, Facebook, Twitter, Shopify, Duolingo, Alibaba, and 50+ other companies. He is also the author of five #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers: The 4-Hour Workweek, The 4-Hour Body, The 4-Hour Chef, Tools of Titans and Tribe of Mentors. The Observer and other media have named him “the Oprah of audio” due to the influence of his podcast, The Tim Ferriss Show, which has exceeded 400 million downloads and been selected for “Best of iTunes” three years running. Connect with Tim Ferriss: Sign up for "5-Bullet Friday" (Tim's email newsletter): https://go.tim.blog/5-bullet-friday-1/ Visit the Tim Ferriss PODCAST: https://tim.blog/podcast/ Visit the Tim Ferriss BLOG: https://tim.blog/ Follow Tim Ferriss on TWITTER: https://twitter.com/tferriss/ Follow Tim Ferriss on INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/timferriss/ Like Tim Ferriss on FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/TimFerriss/

videos

Videos

Tips, techniques, and resources for negotiation and dealmaking. 

SUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/1dSzTkW
 
About Tim Ferriss:
Tim Ferriss is one of Fast Company’s “Most Innovative Business People” and an early-stage tech investor/advisor in Uber, Facebook, Twitter, Shopify, Duolingo, Alibaba, and 50+ other companies. He is also the author of five #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers: The 4-Hour Workweek, The 4-Hour Body, The 4-Hour Chef, Tools of Titans and Tribe of Mentors. The Observer and other media have named him “the Oprah of audio” due to the influence of his podcast, The Tim Ferriss Show, which has exceeded 400 million downloads and been selected for “Best of iTunes” three years running.

Connect with Tim Ferriss:
Sign up for "5-Bullet Friday" (Tim's email newsletter): https://go.tim.blog/5-bullet-friday-1/ 
Visit the Tim Ferriss PODCAST: https://tim.blog/podcast/
Visit the Tim Ferriss BLOG: https://tim.blog/
Follow Tim Ferriss on TWITTER: https://twitter.com/tferriss/
Follow Tim Ferriss on INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/timferriss/
Like Tim Ferriss on FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/TimFerriss/

Tim Ferriss has been listed as one of Fast Company’s “Most Innovative Business People” and one of Fortune’s “40 under 40.” He is an early-stage technology investor/advisor (Uber, Facebook, Shopify, Duolingo, Alibaba, and 50+ others) and the author of five #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers, including The 4-Hour Workweek and Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines, and Habits of Billionaires, Icons, and World-Class Performers. The Observer and other media have called Tim “the Oprah of audio” due to the influence of The Tim Ferriss Show podcast, which is the first business/interview podcast to exceed 100 million downloads. It has now exceeded 800 million downloads. 

Listen to The Tim Ferriss Show podcast: https://tim.blog/podcast
Sign up for Tim's "5-Bullet Friday" free email newsletter with 1.5M+ subscribers: https://tim.blog/friday 


Tim Ferriss

How to Negotiate (or, "The Art of Dealmaking") | Tim Ferriss

Content created in one medium can spark a variety of spinoffs. For example, "Hustlers" (2019), "Blue Crush" (2002), and "Fast and the Furious" (2001) are all movies inspired by articles first published in the New York Magazine, Outside, and Vibe. The right to turn those articles into films and who gets paid for it stems from the copyright. You don't need to keep the rights to everything you produce. Still, understanding copyright and developing best practices can allow you to revisit your work in podcasts, books, and other media.

The importance of copyright

<ul><li>Copyright protects the creator of an original work of art, such as images, visuals, literary works and any other type of expression.</li><li>Copyright doesn't protect ideas but how the ideas are expressed - for example, text choices, visual decisions, or movement choices can have copyright protection.</li><li>Copyright automatically belongs to the creator unless otherwise specified by a contract.</li><li>Copyright also covers how the work can be displayed, reproduced, and distributed, including any work derivative.</li><li>Creators tend to build an Intellectual Property Portfolio of copyrights of all their works.</li></ul>

What "Copyright" means

The copyright of any work produced automatically belongs to its creator. Clients, brands, magazines need permission from the creator to use the work, but they tend to hold more power and leverage and typically look out for their own best interests. The copyright section in a contract is often transferred to the employer in exchange for what they are going to pay you.

Why brands/clients want your copyright

There are two strategies to protect your IP Portfolio:<ul><li>License your work. Instead of signing over the copyright, a creator can license the use of their works for a set time (2 years, 5 years, etc.) The client can still use the work, but the right to the work will remain with the creator, allowing them to continue gaining from their work after the license expires.</li><li>Limit the use of your work to a specific medium. For example, stating in the contract that an article can only be published in a digital format.</li></ul>

Ways to protect your copyright

writing

Reading & Writing

artsandculture

Society, Arts & Culture

How freelance writers can protect their copyright — and why it matters

<ul>
<li>First developed for the military, the internet wasn’t always the closed, capitalistic ecosystem that it is now. </li>
<li>Before the tech giants staked their claim on billions of users, it was a decentralized place with no custodian.</li>
<li>Now, only a handful of companies control most of the internet, using addictive content and smart algorithms. </li>
<li>They use the vast amount of user data generated every minute for building tools to predict consumer behaviour and feed their AI engines.</li>
</ul>

We Lost The Internet

User data is the fodder of AI(artificial intelligence) and is required for the global tech revolution. This personal information is the new oil, and individuals, who are the real and rightful owners of their data, are now starting to realize its value.

The Digital Currency: User Data

<ul><li>The early days of Web 1.0 had users connecting directly with friends and family and most of the online stuff was unregulated.</li><li>Web 2.0 has been mostly about social media and companies using consumer data for their AI engines.</li></ul>Web 3.0 aims to decentralize the internet by giving users complete control of:<ul><li>Their data.</li><li>Their communications.</li><li>Their networks.</li><li>Their security.</li><li>Their privacy.</li></ul>

Web 1 2 3

Web 3.0, or the DWeb, is the Decentralized Internet and does not have any hosting company, making it completely democratic.It is controlled by users themselves, and not by a handful of tech giants with valuations touching a trillion dollars.

Decentralized Internet

<ol><li>No possibility of monopoly or control by big tech.</li><li>Full security and privacy, due to its distributed nature.</li><li>Complete encryption of user data with no exploitation by tech giants.</li><li>Device interoperability for seamless and easy switching.</li><li>No central hosting results in no service failure.</li><li>Data is distributed in a semantic way across systems and platforms, bridging different data platforms and formats.</li></ol>

Benefits Of Decentralized Internet

<ul><li>Due to the non-compatibility of internet software and the high levels of technical skills required, work on the DWeb(Web 3.0) is facing slow developer adoption.</li><li>There is also the problem of having full security along with ease of use, as any security comes with censoring or restrictions.</li></ul>

Decentralized Internet: Challenges

crypto

Cryptocurrency

technologyandthefuture

Technology & The Future

computerscience

Computer Science

Your Personal Data: Its True Value, Power, and Why It Really Is The New Oil

Bubbles appear when a thin film (like soap water) traps gas (such as air). The molecules in the film are drawn to each other and shrink to the smallest possible area. The smallest area that can wrap around a volume is a sphere, meaning the film will shrink to cover a sphere.

Why bubbles are round

Why do bubbles normally appear and round spheres? A physicist explains the science behind soapy water and trapped air.

scienceandnature

Science & Nature

Why are bubbles round?

When we spend too much of our time analysing problems, we often end up with more questions than answers. Consistently overthinking can cause a range of symptoms such as insomnia, trouble concentrating and a lack of energy. In turn, it leads to further worries and finally becomes so unbearable that we look for ways to calm down.
Metacognitive strategies can help you reduce overthinking and help you realise that overthinking is within your control.

The downward spiral of overthinking

The strategies we use to calm down often cause more harm and lead to more overthinking. Unhelpful strategies include:
<ul>
<li>Constantly looking out for threats: For example, in health, you look for signs of illness in excess, leading to more health-related concerns.</li>
<li>Seeking answers and reassurance: If you reach a point where you depend on strategies to reduce your worries, it can lead to more concerns.</li>
<li>Excessive planning so there is no room for the unexpected. When the unusual does happen, we don't know how to cope.</li>
</ul>

Unhelpful coping strategies

Most thoughts come and go because we don't give them any special attention. But some will attract our notice. These are our 'trigger thoughts'. If you pay enough attention to them, they can trigger bodily sensations and feelings.
A thought about an exciting upcoming event can activate warmth and joy. But a series of further thoughts can develop into worries. "What if they don't like me?" "What if..." If we continue to entertain these thoughts, they can compound. Instead, let them pass by. Don't spend energy on them.

Get to know your trigger thoughts and let them be

Trigger thoughts happen automatically. But, you have a choice if you will engage in them. You can choose if you will answer the thought or ask more questions.
You can think of thoughts as someone calling you on the phone. You don't decide if the phone will ring or who is calling. But you can choose if you will pick up the phone and engage in a conversation.

Know what you can and can't control

Introduce a worry-time into your day. For instance, from 7 pm to 8 pm, you allow yourself time to worry freely. When you feel the need to worry or ruminate about something during the day, try postponing these thoughts to your scheduled worry time.
Instituting a worry-time in your day serves several functions:
<ul>
<li>It challenges the belief that worries are out of your control.</li>
<li>You discover that these trigger thoughts change throughout the day. What causes concern in the morning can seem irrelevant in the evening.</li>
<li>It is a way of reducing the time you spend worrying.</li>
</ul>

Postpone and reduce your worries

People often fear their trigger thoughts and try to avoid them altogether, but doing so will not give you a chance to practice letting go of these thoughts. You can't learn to ride a bike without a bike.
When you feel ready, give yourself challenges that involve your trigger thoughts, then practice telling yourself to leave them for the designated worry time. Like learning to ride a bike, you won't succeed every time. The more you practice and fall and get up again, the better you'll become.

Avoid avoidance and train your attention

Some people struggle to shift their attention during a trigger thought. The following 10-minute exercise may be helpful:
<ul>
<li>Focus on at least three environmental sounds: traffic, birdsong, building work, etc.</li>
<li>Practice tuning in to just one sound at a time for about 10 seconds, then turn to another sound.</li>
<li>After two minutes, repeat the exercise, but focus on each sound for four seconds.</li>
</ul>
The aim is to become practised at shifting your attention. When you become better at it, try to introduce a trigger thought into the exercise.

Attention training technique

"If I worry about what could go wrong, I'll be better prepared to handle it." "If I go over what I did wrong, I can improve next time."
One may feel that worrying was beneficial but also caused unnecessary tension. One way to see if worry was valid is to evaluate the pros and cons of that concern and then decide if it was indeed worth it.

Assumptions about overthinking

Grappling with your thoughts will leave you even more entangled in worry. Use metacognitive strategies to break free

mindfulness

Mindfulness

health

Health

mentalhealth

Mental Health

How to stop overthinking | Psyche Guides

Develop a Routine. Create a series of events that you always perform before doing a specific task.<ul><li>Step 1: Start by doing something so easy that you can't say no to it. Your pre–game routine tells your mind, “This is what happens before I do ___. ”For example, In my writing routine I start by getting a glass of water. So easy, I can’t say no.</li><li>Step 2: Your routine should get you moving physically towards the end goal. Your mind and your motivation will follow your physical movement.</li><li>Step 3: Follow the same pattern every single time.</li></ul>

How to Get Motivated

You've probably noticed that it's hard to be motivated all the time. No matter what you are working on, there are bound to be days when you don't feel like showing up. There will be workouts that you don't feel like starting. There will be reports that you don't feel like writing.

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

habits

Habits

timemanagement

Time Management

How to Get Motivated When You Don't Feel Like It

Self-loathing is real and surprisingly common. We sometimes hate ourselves more than any person could. This phenomenon takes many shapes:
<ol>
<li>Anticipating something bad to happen after something good has happened, with an assumption that your happiness will be followed by misery.</li>
<li>Success resulting in feelings of guilt and anticipation of danger.</li>
<li>Pleasant days ruined by chronic worry, panic or a sense of loss.</li>
<li>Imagining the worst in others.</li>
</ol>

We Are Our Own Worst Enemy

There is an unconscious impluse to be unkind to ourselves and commit self-torture using our own mind. The way we treat others is a subconscious internalization of how others have treated us.
Example: If we were ignored or shunned by others, we are more likely to do the same.

Being Unkind To Ourselves

If we want to get out of the downward spiral of self-loathing and stop ourselves from self-destruction, we need to start being self-aware and understand the virtues of forgiveness, mercy, steadfastness and resilience.
Our survival depends on our thinking the best for ourselves, and we need to embrace, self-empathy and self-compassion. The law of attraction plays a huge role here, as what we think about ourselves proves to be true.

Self-Awareness Is The Solution

Trying to Be Kinder to Ourselves - Articles from The School of Life, formerly The Book of Life, a gathering of the best ideas around wisdom and emotional intelligence.